They say: a dog is a man's bestfriend , and i couldn't agree more. Receiving her presence in my life is one of the greatest gift that i've been waiting for 18 years and But losing her abruptly in tragedy felt like worst scenario, that i would never expect, not even a millisecond.

For me, this tiny little chihuahua is not just a dog but more that that. She's a family, little sister, best friend. A life support that constantly love me selflessly.

She saw and be there with me at my worst, hiding in my own room , feel frustrated. She also there where I experienced joy and victory in life.  She's been there as sweetest thing, coloring my middle 20s to early 30s era. What amazing 8 years that i couldn't trade with any other. Loving her is one of the best choice i ever made.  But reality hits. She's gone just like that in just blink of eye .A single phone call turns my life upside down. Suddenly, once a twinkle star goes dim forever and thus, forced me to continue my life so harshly..

Till this very second, i still miss her dearly . I miss her smile, I miss her wagging tails, i miss her paws smell, i miss how she abruptly kissed me on cheeks like a long lost lover, i miss the time regular time we walk together at night around the neighborhood, i miss making her dog clothes, filling up her empty bowl, snuggling around and just be comfortable around each other on couch. And most of all , i miss how she always gaze at me deeply, sat there beside me whenever i felt lazy to pray and have daily devotion before bed. It's like her own language to encourage me spend time with the Lord more. She's one of a kind,  God's gift for me, that draw me closer to Him indeed. 

And when i lost her, i know i also lost a part of me..

people might say : "stop being overly dramatic, it's just a dog , you can always find a new dog instead "  I know you are trying to be compassionate,I know you meant good to comfort someone ,encourage them to move on and not fall into pit-hole of depression . But I tell you the truth, No one is ready enough facing death.Whether it's their beloved human being, pet animal, plants.. they're all still a living being not mere things.. No matter how much ideas, effort, or money you make, you will never able to revive a life that has been terminated forever. And that's a grief that everyone has different ways to cope.. as you never walk in their shoes, you will never know how they devastating it can be to deal with pain alone. Just be present and grief with them. It's helps so much more than any words you can say..

I know , since i lost this beloved dog of mine ,my life now won't be the same like before..Even so, changed me as a person too. Knowing the fact that her unusual cause of passing was not a good memory,  still makes my heart sank. A great turmoil indeed. But i also know...this too shall pass, this tears, painful memory, heartache, eventually heals by time.

Eventho, the scar remains..

But that's okay,It will be the precious scar I have as remembrance of my beloved dog. Perhaps I don't understand now, why this tearful chapter of life happened.But i write this for myself too, tha one day when I look back..I know it has to, and it means good.

Dear Chiwa, you will never have to worry anymore about me.. I'm glad you choose to run safely, right to the Father's arm. The One that love you the most instead of me. And I believe, HE will take care of me ,too 🤍

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death, or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."  - Revelation 21:4: